Kevin and Bean: Let's Welcome Dave, Hello Dave!

David Duchovny: Hey, How ya doing?

K & B: Real good, how have you been?

DD: What are you guys saying about me?

K & B: We're saying … that you're funny

DD: Hey, I try (all laughing)

K & B: And it's a good movie

DD: Isn't a good movie?

K & B: It really is

DD: Yeah, just don't describe it because then people will go "I don't want to see that movie". You've just got to say get your ass in the theater.

K & B: Ok

DD: You'll have good time. And if boys don't think it's uh.. if they think it's a chic movie, I personally am guaranteeing that they will get laid if they go see this movie (all laughing)

K & B: Very good. Now how are you backing up that guarantee, Dave?

DD: Personally, is all I'm saying (all laughing) And if it's not happening… well, then they'll have to call me up to get that guarantee.(all laughing)

K & B: We were all just talking about how excited we are that Bonnie Hunt is…

DD: Bonnie Hunt is the funniest actress.. Bonnie and my wife are the funniest actresses in Hollywood

K & B: Nice save, Dave (laughing) Now Dave, you are a guy who works so much of the year at your day job that I imagine that you have to uh.. it's got to be tough for you because there are so many projects that come your way. I mean you have to select something…

DD: Unlike Kevin.. it's Kevin isn't it? (Yeah, Kevin) I haven 't figured out a way to shoot the XFiles out of my home (oh, that's Bean you're talking about) Oh, Bean, sorry, whichever one of you guys no longer commutes. I'm like that. I'm talking to the writers . I'm saying have Mulder in a wheelchair, like the voice on Charlie's Angels or Ironside or something like that where he's just this big brain working out of his house (all laughing)

K & B: So, you’re figuring stuff out without seeing anything

DD: Well, in that way we can go into year 25 and everyone will be happy My point is that you get thrown a lot of projects and you have to be very particular because you don't get a chance to make 10 movies a year, like you could. I only get one. I'm a pitch hitter. I get one at bat a year, and you are either a hero or a goat. You know, where someone else could go out there and strike out 3 times, and then hit a home run and he's a hero.

K & B: But that's your future?

DD: That's it for the baseball metaphor everybody.

K & B: That's nice. With opening day and all. That's your future though, right. You're just going to do movies?

DD: I'll be a pitch hitter. Movies are fun.. unlike Bean, who's tired of his job… you can get tired of doing the same thing over and over again. That's not to denigrate what you are doing. It's just that human beings like change. As a movie actor, as an actor, you like to do different roles, you didn't necessarily get into it to do the same role for 40 years in a row. So, yeah, you do want change. You want new challenges and move along.

K & B: Sure. I understand that. You know we heard a story a couple of weeks ago where Dave it sounded to us like you were saying "Wow, the X-Files really blows now". (all laughing)

DD: Yeah, well, you know.. sometimes I get in a bad mood and of course, that's the only time they print anything.

K & B: Of course.

DD: If I get out there and say "The XFiles- The writing is great and the directing is great and everybody is fantastic, nobody is going to print that. But if I say the XFiles really blows this year, it's a headline.

K & B: Yeah, well, it certainly worked (DJs laughing)

DD: I know. I know. And you know, I apologize to whoever got hurt by that. But all I mean to say is it's the 7th year of the show.. and you deserve to blow a little bit (all laughing)

K & B: Yeah, you do. You've earned it (all laughing)

DD: You know what I mean, Bean

K & B: Hey, I'm familiar with the downward slide, Dave.

DD: Yeah, you are under house arrest apparently. Is something wrong?

K & B: Uh, no. It wasn't like that at all. We heard that right now, this week, you couldn't come down and see us because you are directing an episode, you are doing another one for the show.

DD: Oh, they lied to you.

K & B: That's what they told us. David. Yeah, no, I'm just basically sitting at home. I just didn't feel like coming over.

K & B: You're just like that lazy ass Bean.

DD: (laughing) No. I'm in New York right now.

K & B: Oh, you are

DD: Yeah. And I'd come in and see you guys. I like coming in.

K & B: Well, you're welcome here.

DD: And I like when you work the premieres. You guys are good. And you send that kid over to ask questions.

K & B: You know you are always so nice to Tad.

DD: Tad needs somebody to be nice to him.

K & B: Well, that's true.

DD: He's a sweet guy. And uh, why not be nice.

K & B: And he falls apart in front of you, and you are always nice to him. And we do appreciate that.

DD: Oh well. My pleaaaaaaaaaaasure.

K & B: Let me tell you, Tad has never lived down that interview from 5 years ago, and he was quaking at the thought of having to go to your premiere the other day for Return to Me because he knew you were going to be there. And he knew he was going to be face to face with you again, and he was just…

DD: What happened 5 years ago that had him spooked?

K & B: Hey, do you have that interview--- I think you'll recognize the clip, I don't remember what the circumstances were..

DD: Can I hear it right now?

K & B: Yeah, we've got it for you.

------- old interview--------

Tad (old interview). Ok, now (giggle) do you believe in extras terrestrials [sic] beings out there?

DD: That's just the lamest question. My God, can't you think of anything better than that?

---------end of old interview-------

All laughing

K & B: So, what happened Dave is that he was brand new-- DD: (laughing) I guess I haven't always been nice to Tad

K & B: He was traumatized by some A-hole that's what happened. (all laughing) He was brand new to the show back then and you were one of the very first celebrities he had to…

DD: Did he ask me about Extras terrestrials?

K & B: Yes, he did as a matter of fact. Actually there was a follow-up question--

-------------old interview---------

DD: would you like to go into outter space (giggling). uh, I don’t know… (giggling)

DD: I'm just sitting here hoping you get abducted. (all laughing)

------------- end of old interview -------------

DD: Hey, that was funny. I was funny. I was funny back then. What happened to me?

K & B: so, the other night he thinks, oh my God, K&B are going to want me to go and get Dave on tape again, and I'm so embarassed that I have to face him. But you were very sweet to him. And we really do appreciate that.

DD: He's a good guy. I like the way he giggles at his own questions. (all laughing)

K & B: Well, no one else does.

DD: Hey, he's working out of his home.

K & B: Well, let me ask you this.. has the final, final decision about the fate of the season, or don't you know?

DD: Honestly? And you know that I would tell you the truth. I don't know.

K & B: You don't know.

DD: I have my terms that I would come back under. And it doesn't necessarily have to do with money, it has a lot to do with time commitments.And I made those clear. I'm not the one holding up negotiations. I am not in a negotation. I have my terms which will not move. So, that's where I am. It's really up to Fox., so…

K & B: It seems to me though that they have to be getting to a critical point because they have to be winding down the storyline.

DD: Yeah, Chris Carter is in a very awkward position right now because he's got to figure out how to end the season, how's he going to end the show, how's he going to turn it into a movie franchise. Obviously, he wants to know all these answers. And I can't give them to him. And, uh..we'll see what happens, but uh…

K & B: But you'd like to continue with the movies right? DD: Well, you know, I wouldn't mind. I think it would be fun, it would kind of be like a high school reunion to do a movie every 5 years or so to come back and do an XFiles movie and, you know, have really cool guest stars like they did on Batman (all laughing)

K & B: You know Frank Gorshon is still available (sp?)

DD: I love Frank Gorshon.

K & B: What is the drop dead date? When do they have to make a decision before they can make a decision about what they are doing this year. DD: You know, I don't know that. I imagine I would love it if they made a decision. Obviously, the fans would love it, too. Everybody would like to know, but we have a crew of 200 some people who are employed by the show and they need to know if they have to look for other jobs or not. They can all get other jobs, they are all talented and great, but they need to know at some point. So, the show so.. such in a groove after 7 years that I imagine they could make a decide a couple of weeks before the season began. I mean they could draw it out as long as they wanted. But it would screw a lot of people.

K & B: Yeah. There's a lot of talk about Pauley Shore coming in to be the new Agent Mulder. Have you heard that?

DD: Yeah. Yeah, I have. And you know, I think it's a good idea. (all laughing). Agent Weasel. We have Fox Mulder then we'd have Weasel Mulder (he could fit right into your shoes).

K & B: Yeah, it's your long lost brother. Dave, we also heard, now tell us if this is a possibility or not, that your good friend Garry Shandling might do something.

DD: Well, you know that you had that misinformation about why I wasn't coming down to talk to you guys? Because I was directing?

K & B: Right

DD: I finished directing this episode two weeks ago that I wrote. Garry Shandling and my wife, Téa Leoni are both in it.

K & B: There ya go.

DD: They are playing… it's a show about the making of a movie of an XFiles case and Garry and my wife play Mulder and Scully in the movie. (DJs laughing).

K & B: Really. Awesome

DD: It airs on April 30th. It's called Hollywood AD And I'm cutting it right now, and it looks great.

K & B: Did you have fun doing the Cops episode?

DD: We did! For reasons nobody will understand. Because we shot on video and there was no coverage. So, I was in and out of the set 8 hours a day, and I was like let's shoot every show like this. (all laughing).. kind like what Bean is doing. Almost like coming to my house…

K & B: Alright Dave. Return to Me is the name of the movie. It comes out Friday. And Dave Duchovny…

DD: Do me a favor and keep saying the name of the movie

K & B: Return to Me! Sure.

DD: Tell everyone to go.

K & B: Ok.

DD: And keep repeating my "you will get laid guarantee".

K & B: Ok. Dave Duchovny guarantees that you'll get laid.

DD: Now, Bean will not see it because he's not leaving the house.

K & B: Hey, I'm looking at it this way.. 6 months down the road, it's on pay per view and I'm set.

DD: You know what… that's the kind of sh….(edited out)

K & B: Ah, new FCC regulations Dave, you can't use the S word now

DD: Really, you used to be able to? (All laughing)

K & B: Dave, great to talk to you. Come and see us anytime.

DD: I would love to.

K & B: Thank you. Bye.

DD: Thank you. Bye!

K & B: Now that was some funny stuff.