Call-in promoting Return to Me

R: It is STAR 98.7. I believe, they said about a minute and a half ago, T minus one minute and a half, every second is scheduled for David Duchovny.
L: mooo...
David Duchovny I've got a minute and a half here?
[L screams at hearing D]
R: No, no, no, you've got as long as you like. But they told me, "He's coming in one minute and twenty-eight seconds."
[L laughs}
R: So we are standing by.
David Duchovny I'm like the space shuttle.
L: Wooo!
[L claps]
R: Hey, it's a pleasure talking with you, David.
David Duchovny It's a pleasure to talk to you guys.
R: Let me take you back to last night.
David Duchovny Mm-hm.
R: We sat in the theater.
David Duchovny Yeah.
R: And I had written a synopsis.
L: Oh no.
R: Of what the movie is.
[L laughs]
David Duchovny Right.
R: And I would like to present it to you, if you don't mind.
David Duchovny [hesitation] Uh...okay...
L: [laughing] Fire away, Ryan. Now, is this when you were not crying, or when you were hugging me?
R: I jotted this down on Melrose on my way home to the West Side last night.
David Duchovny Okay.
R: This is a movie, Return to me, starring a wonderful cast that has a component of love, tragedy, hope, fullfillment, dreams, construction, gardening, all wrapped around this centerpiece of an Irish-Italian restaurant and bar.
David Duchovny [pause] I think you can get a job at MGM publicity.
[L/studio-girl(in background) clap and clamor]
L: That was nice. Ryan, you left out the transplant, heh.
R: I didn't want to give it away.
L: All right.
David Duchovny You know what, it's kind of hard to talk about the film and make it sound like the great film that it is, but I think you've just managed to do that.
L: Awww...
[studio-girl does "Woo!"]
R: It took me at least a twelve-minute commute last night.
David Duchovny Not bad. And I'm glad you didn't have an accident while you did that.
[R laughs]
L: David, I'm so glad people are finally seeing you kind of like we did on the Larry Sanders Show in this comedic light that I think, really, honestly, you're one of the most underrated comedic talents of our time. I think you're soo funny.
David Duchovny Thank you.
L: And people don't know that. You know, a lot of people don't have HBO--you can't see the Larry Sanders Show.
David Duchovny I realized a few years ago, after, you know, appearing on the Larry Sanders, after being on Saturday Night Live, after being on Twin Peaks, after doing certain X-Files that I think are funny, that everytime I do something that's somewhat funny, people go, "I didn't know you were funny!"
[R/L/studio-girl laugh]
L: 'Cause you're so serious about it; you're so sarcastic.
David Duchovny It's going to say on my gravestone: "We didn't know he was funny!"
[R/L laugh]
R: David Duchovny -- He's funny.
David Duchovny We didn't know!
[L/studio-girl laughs]
David Duchovny And now he's gone.
L: Awww...
R: This cast, by the way, quite a stellar cast that you work with. We're talking about Carroll O'Conner, who plays an Irishman.
David Duchovny While you're on the subject of Carroll O'Conner, do you know that this is the first film he's done in over twenty years?
[L gasps]
R: Is it really. Why did he decide to do this one then?
David Duchovny Well, you saw the film. It spoke to him. You know, he wanted to do a beautiful film. You know, it's not like any film that you've seen in the last twenty years. It's a film from another time. And Carroll wanted to do it. And bless him.
R: Minnie Driver, as well. James Belushi--hilarious.
[L laughs]
David Duchovny Wasn't he great?
R: Just a wonderful group of people. And all of this the brainchild of Bonnie Hunt, is that correct?
David Duchovny Yes. Bonnie Hunt the multitalented triple threat.
[studio-girl yells; L laughs]
R: She directs it; she wrote it; she also stars in it, as Minnie Driver's--
David Duchovny And most people don't know this, she cooked most of the meals.
R: On the set?
David Duchovny No, I'm just kidding.
L: Awww...
David Duchovny But she could have.
R: Well, there's red cabbage and pasta.
L: Yeah, I was getting hungry watching.
David Duchovny Yeah, we were watching it the other night, with my wife, and she was like, "Why do they cut away to what you were eating?" And I said, "That's the joke. It's cabbage and ravioli."
[L/studio-girl laugh]
R: Yeah, yeah.
David Duchovny It's an Irish-Italian restaurant.
R: You don't get that. You don't get that everywhere.
David Duchovny She went, "Ohhhhhh..."
R: Now, speaking of your wife and this family that you have there that you're creating...
[D laughs]
R: What type of a Daddy are you? Are you pretty involved as a Daddy? Do you burp and change diapers?
David Duchovny I burp.
[studio-girl laughs]
R: [laughing] How about the child?
L: [laughing] Does he burp or does the baby burp, Ryan?
David Duchovny Oh, yes, um...
R: Well, isn't the process of burping a baby called burp/I burped/I'm going to go burp the baby?
David Duchovny She doesn't have to burp anymore. She does that on her own.
R: Oh.
David Duchovny She's almost a year old.
L: Yeah, she's past that, Ryan.
David Duchovny She's past the being-needed-to-be-burped stage. I did some burping in my time.
[L/studio-girl laughs]
David Duchovny And I've done some changing of diapers in my time.
R: What's the one thing that's like the most difficult aspect of fatherhood?
David Duchovny It's when the poop goes up the back.
L: Ohhh. [laughing]
David Duchovny Like close to the neck line.
[studio-girl laughs]
David Duchovny Uh, somebody has a kid back there laughing.
L: [laughing] Well, no, see, the funny thing is, David--
David Duchovny We call them The Action Pants.
[R/L laugh]
L: Ryan envisions that when he has a child, it's not going to poo, it's not going to pee, it's not going to make any noise. So...
David Duchovny Yeah, well, he's a poor disillusioned man.
[L laughs]
R: I am, indeed. Now, David, one of the things that I read in a recent interview was that you believe, and correct me if I'm wrong, that you believe it's going to be tough for the public, which is sort of a sin, to disassociate you with the success you've had on The X-Files and be able to transcend as an actor, preception wise, movies and film. Now, after watching the movie last night and the role that you play last night, there was absolutely no association in my mind with who you are on television.
David Duchovny Well, that's nice.
R: And I mean that from the bottom of my heart because I thought to myself, this is something that has apparently plagued you, and you've been thinking about it. So you go out, and you do this really big film with a wonderful cast. And you're nothing like the character you portray on the television series, and, I mean, there were no lines crossed in my mind. And I think that it's a brilliant accomplishment.
David Duchovny Well, I appreciate that. And, you know, believe it or not, I'm an actor. And I do different roles. I'm not just a celebrity. So, you know, that's where I'm hoping it all goes. I want to do different things. And I appreciate you saying that.
R: And I encourage people to go see this movie. And I think that when you walk away from the theaters here in Los Angeles, you're not going to think of David Duchovny as you thought of him before. I think you're really going to see a different side. And I can't tell you how good I felt driving away from this movie, and I mean that. So...
L: Awww...
R: Congradulations. And best of luck.
L: And, David--
David Duchovny Thank you.
L: And thank you for jogging on the beach at Malibu by X, the restaurant.
David Duchovny Oh, I always do that!
L: Ah!
R: She's been spotting you for a [laughing] couple weeks.
L: I was so happy when I saw you jogging with, um, another guy--I heard it was your brother--and a dog.
David Duchovny No, it's me and Joe Blake. That's not my brother.
L: Oh, who is that, your trainer?
David Duchovny Joe Blake. He's a buddy of mine. And what we do is we jog one way, and then we stop for a beer--[laughing] [R laughs]
L: There you go.
R: I can be a member of that training team.
David Duchovny That's what I call cross-training.
L: So will you be mad one time if I say, "Hi David! I love you!"
David Duchovny No, you got to tell me who you are, though.
L: Okay, I'll say, "Hey..." All right. I will.
R: Psycho-radio-personality-fan.
David Duchovny And I'll go, "Keep that woman away from me."
[L laughs; studio-girl does "Wooo!"]
R: All right, hey, one other question before you leave 'cause I know your time is tight. Um, your shoes that you wore this morning on the Today Show?
David Duchovny Yeah.
R: The black shoes, sort of half-cut high-tops.
David Duchovny Yeah.
R: Who makes those? I like 'em.
David Duchovny Did you like them? They're comfortable too.
R: Yeah, they're great shoes.
David Duchovny I don't know. Who makes those shoes? Do you know?
R: Are you wearing them?
David Duchovny God, you know, Nancy Coleeni, who picks out all my clothes, 'cause I'm just slow with that stuff [studio-girl giggles], she's not here.
L: Awww...
R: All right. Well.
David Duchovny But, you know, Regis made fun of me for having big feet, and I thought that's where you were going.
R: No, no, no, I wasn't going to do that. Although, I've heard the rumor. I'm sure you know the rumor in Hollywood about the big feet and the big everything else, so I'd don't even want to bring that up.
[L laughs]
David Duchovny I'm not ashamed.
[studio-girl laughs]
L: [eager] How big are ya--do you wanna--what size shoes you wear... David.
[R laughs]
L: He can tell us his size shoe.
David Duchovny I think it's a 12.
[L whistles; studio-girl does "Woo!"]
R: Oh, David. Why--
L: Nice.
R: Quit confirming the rumors!
[L laughs]
R: I don't need people like you in this town!
[L laughs]
David Duchovny You got to like give props to what's true, you know.
[studio-girl laughs; R huffs]
L: Ryan...
R: The man is sitting here on live radio telling me how large he is.
L: Just congradulate him, Ryan.
R: All right. Return to me. My friend, thank you for taking the time out of your schedule to talk with us.
David Duchovny And thank you so much for being such a fan of the film. You almost brought me to tears with that little...
L: Awww...
[studio-girl does "Woo!"; L claps]
L: Yea!
David Duchovny Honestly, that's rare, and thank you.
L: Aw, nice. David, come in and see us sometime, will you?
David Duchovny I will.
R: Okay, buddy. Take care.
L: Woo!
David Duchovny Bye.
L: Bye, David!
R: Yeah. And, you know, I'm serious-- What's wrong? studio-gir
L: He's--
R: Yeah, he's really nice. studio-gir
L: Ahh!! He's soo cool!
R: I got to tell you, I was a little scared going into that because I've read some things about how he really, well, he's having some really bad times with FOX, and he's obviously in this law-suit, this battle, and he really doesn't like bringing up the television series.
L: Well, that's okay. The movie is good enough to focus on the movie and the good stuff.
R: But I'm telling you that, originally, before I saw the movie, I thought to myself, now, I got to bring this up because I thought in my mind everybody is going to associate David Duchovny with Fox Mulder-- Is that right?
L: Yeah.
R: All right. Fox Mulder, on The X-Files. But then after I left the movie last night, it's a really cool thing to think of him in a totally different light. Return to me. It's Friday. The radio station is STAR 98.7.
L: Wooo! [clapping]
R: Who's not invigorated right now?
L: Hm-hm.
R: [pause] How long did I just talk?
L: Yeah, like, stop it.